All that I need, All that i don't
by psycho-pink-faerie
Summary: CHAPTER 3 NOW UP...FINALLY...Okay...no good at summaries... you'll have to read... Sam.Phil... set after Weds 13th Sept episode... hope you like. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**_Okay this is my new fic set just after Wednesday 13th Septemeber episode. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed my other one. I will be continuing with it but i don't know when i'll be able to post up my next chapter. Anywayz hope you like this chapter. Please R&R even if you don't like. _**

**_Thanks, _**

**_xXx Leanne xXx

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**All that I need, All that I don't.**

**Chapter One **

The doorbell rang. Sam buried her face in her pillow as she continued to cry silently. She wasn't sure she'd done the right thing in breaking up with Stuart but she was just trying her best to be happy.

The only thing she did know was that they had no future together. Their relationship wasn't working - if Sam was totally honest it hadn't been for a while now - but she'd been trying to ignore it.

She and Stuart both wanted different things and deep down she'd known he wasn't ready to settle down yet... or to become a dad.

Sam had seen his reaction when she broke the news about her pregnancy; she'd also noted the obvious relief on his face when he'd heard about the miscarriage, and she couldn't accept that.

At 43, she needed some sense of stability in her life. She needed a man who would stick by her, a man who loved her for who she was...'someone that Stuart couldn't be...' she concluded sadly...'someone like Phil...'

She hadn't realised it until it was too late but Phil was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with...to wake up with each day. He was smart, funny, good looking...and he had something that Stuart didn't.

A sharp pain shot through her stomach and her eyes filled with fresh tears as she thought of the baby that never was. True, having a baby wasn't exactly top of her wishlist but the more she thought about it the more she realised she wanted to keep it.

The bell sounded more insistently. Sam sighed, standing up and feeling another twinge.

She pulled open the door, "Phil!" she choked out... "What are you doing here?" She wiped away her tears...she didn't want Phil to see her crying.

"I'm worried about you..." Phil answered, concerned.

Sam broke down a third time, turning away from him. He sounded so warm, so genuine - she wanted to let him in - but she was scared. Scared of how she felt, scared of being hurt again.

"Oh Sam..." For a moment words failed Phil. He was seeing a different side to Samantha Nixon thatn the one he usually saw. She looked so vulnerable...needy.

"Come here..." He pulled Sam towards him and wrapped her in his arms.

She buried her head in his shirt. "I've messed everything up...things weren't supposed to be like this...Stuart... the baby...i've done it all wrong..." She sobbed, releasing everything she was feeling.

"Ssshh...Sam it's okay... none of this is you're fault... i'm here for you... i'll always be here." Phil held her tightly.

Sam broke out of the hug..."Come in" she said, for they were standing in her doorway being gawped at by curious neighbours.

Phil stepped inside, closing the door behind them. "Where's Stuart?" He asked, thinking what sort of guy left their girlfriend when she was in this state.

"He's gone" Sam answered, offering him a seat beside her on the couch. "I asked him to leave..." A lone tear slipped down her cheek.

Phil brushed it away with his thumb, "Oh right...but why? I thought you loved him." He said shaking his head slightly. He would never understand this woman. Just when he thought he knew her she turned round and surprised him.

"So did I" Sam admitted.

"Well what happened then?" He asked, wrapping an arm around her and holding her close.

Sam shrugged, "He didn't want the baby, i did... he said he'd support me whatever i chose to do..." She paused, reaching for a tissue. "But you could tell the thought of becoming a dad scared him...and the look on his face when i told him i'd lost the... our baby, it told me everything i needed to know... everything i already knew..."She finished, watery eyes spilling over once more.

"Okay and this might be a stupid question but how do you feel now?" Phil asked, gently.

"About the baby?" Sam checked.

"The baby...Stuart... everything..." Phil replied, gently massaging her shoulders.

"I will miss Stuart." She admitted finally... after a few moments of silence had passed between them. "But only because i'm so used to him being around..."

"And the baby?" Phil prompted her.

Sam's face crumpled, "I wanted to keep it so much." She whispered, but she didn't start crying again. "I wanted our child more than anything." She blinked back the tears that were threatening to overspill.

Phil rested a hand on Sam's shoulder. She turned to face him. Their eyes locked and Phil didn't know what made him do it but he leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips.

Realising what he was doing, he pulled away. "Sam i am so sorry... we can just forget that ever happened... it doesn't have to change anything between us, does it?" he said anxiously.

"Phil..." Sam stopped. She didn't even know what she had been about to say. Instead she silenced him with another kiss.

Phil couldn't believe it. "are you sure this is what you want?" He didn't want to ask the question but felt he had to before they did something they might later regret.

Sam nodded, "Yes" she replied, "I'm sure." She leaned in to capture his lips.

Smiling, Phil found himself kissing her back. Still unable to believe that what was happening here was real; that this incredible woman whom he'd loved for years actually liked him back.

His hands slid down from where he'd been stroking her hair, down to her chest. He began to unbutton her blouse but stopped sensing her reluctance. "It's okay Sam, we can take it slow if you want to..you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with." Phil tried to reassure her.

Sam turned away from him, "It's not that i don't want to... i do...i love you Phil" she said. "It's just that it's too soon after Stuart..." She tried to explain... "I'm sorry..."

Phil pulled her towards him, she rested her head on his chest. "It's okay Sam...you take as long as you need...i'll still be here if you want me to." He said.

Feeling like someone had left a tap running Sam reached across him for a box of tissues. "Oh Phil... i do want you here" she answered, honestly settling back into the embrace they'd created.

"Then i will be!" Phil but his arms around her and held her...

...Then the doorbell rang. Sam sighed and made a move to get up. "You stay where you are... i'll get it." offered Phil.

Sam smiled, settling back into the sofa cushions. "Thank you" she replied, kissing him.

Phil stood up and walked out into the hall, he opened the door to find Stuart standing there,

Stuart's mouth dropped open in shock, "What are you doing here?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so here is chapter two finally Thank you to all you wonderful people who reveiwed chapter 1... anyways hope you like this chapter. Please read and leave a review even if you don't like...**

**Luv yaz all, **

**xXx Leanne xXx**

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Chapter Two

"I could ask you the same question," Phil answered in an angry whisper. He pulled the door closed behind him. "Sam doesn't want to see you!"

"Did she say that or did you?" Stuart asked, feeling his temper rising.

"Does it matter?" Phil replied, avoiding the question. "So why are you here?"

"I live here." Stuart answered defensively. "I think I should be the one asking that." Phil didn't answer…"Well?"

"Sam's my friend, I'm just looking out for her which is more than I can say for you… and correct me if I'm wrong but I was under the impression that she'd thrown you out…" Phil said, his temper taking control.

Stuart looked at the ground, "it's just a minor hitch…she's upset…she needs her space right now…once she's calmed down…" His voice trailed off.

"You think you can come round here with your fancy chocolates and your flowers, say you're sorry and then everything will be okay, don't you?" Without waiting for an answer he continued. "Well it won't… she's just lost a baby, Stuart…your kid…which she wanted to keep…she's hurting and she thinks it's all her fault…" He said angrily, raising his voice. "I think it'll take more than a box of chocolates to fix this one…don't you?"

"Let me speak to her!" Stuart made a move towards the door.

Phil stepped in front. "No, haven't you done enough already?"

"Are you saying this is my fault?" Stuart questioned angrily, clenching his fists.

"If you want to put it like that then yes I guess that's exactly what I'm saying." Phil answered.

"So what exactly am I supposed to have done…?" Stuart asked.

"What have you done? It's more like what haven't you done… but I guess the words 'insensitive jerk' will do in short" Phil spat furiously.

"Are you finished?" Stuart answered coldly.

"Finished? Believe me I haven't even started… you don't care about Sam, Stuart, you never have. You only wanted her so I couldn't have her and to prove that you could get any woman you wanted… why don't you just be a man and admit it instead of being a coward…"

"A coward am I?" Stuart answered back in a voice of deadly calm.

"Yes you are…you're the one who got Sam pregnant…you're the one who wasn't prepared to face up to the responsibilities of becoming a father…" Phil shot back.

"Hang on a minute, let's not get holier than thou about this…. you're hardly in any position to criticise." Stuart said smugly.

"Either explain what you're talking about or shut up and go away." Phil responded testily.

"Well you have two children and neither of them are by the woman you married right?"

"Yes but…"

"You went to therapy for sex addiction and ended up knocking up one of the female patients, correct…" Stuart interrupted.

"How do you know that?"

"Then you found out she'd bedded your brother, ditched her without a thought for your unborn child... and now your kid... in fact both of your kids live to far away for you to see them regularly..."

"Your point is?" Phil said, on the verge of losing his temper.

"The point is that you're not exactly in line for 'dad of the year' award so i suggest you take a look at your own situation and stop judging mine." Stuart shot Phil a look.

"Look i may not be perfect... " Phil began heatedly.

"Far from it..." Muttered Stuart, smirking.

Phil heard this but chose to ignore it. "I may not be perfect," he repeated. "But i do care about Sam too much to see her hurt . She's been messed about by guys like you before, and i won't stand by and let you do that to her."

"That's very touching." Stuart sneered, "but you do know that Sam doesn't really care about you... she's only using you so she's not alone for the rest of her life."

Phil shook his head, "Whatever... i don't care... Sam may not love me but i love her and nothing you can say will change that... Sorry to disappoint you Stu..."

Unknown to Phil and Stuart, Sam could hear every word of what they were saying. She blinked back tears that were threatening to spill over, as she heard Phil speak. 'There was so much love and compassion in his voice and he really meant it' Sam thought, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Sam is incapable of loving anyone." Sam was brought back to earth by Stuart's raised voice.

"That's not true" Phil said furious at how Stuart could talk about the woman he'd been sleeping with like that. "Sam's trust was broken a long time ago and she can't trust people as easy as the next person who walks down the street..."

"And that's my fault?" Stuart's eyes narrowed.

"Did I say it was?"

"Not in so many words but…" Stuart started.

Phil interrupted. "I think I'm starting to see the bigger picture here."

"What bigger picture?" Stuart said, playing dumb.

"This isn't about you and Sam… it's all about you!" Phil said, pretending not to have heard him. "Okay so answer this Stu… why did you stay with her if you thought she didn't love you?"

"My name's Stuart, not Stu… " He replied through gritted teeth. "And it's because…" he stopped.

"I'll tell you why." Phil answered. "It's because you don't like failing at anything…" He was on a roll now. "…Whether it's work or in your personal life… I saw the look on your face when Suzie got that job with the kidnap unit. You didn't really want it though…you only went for it because she wanted it…"

"Very good Sherlock" Stuart said smoothly.

"Why don't you just go away? Go crawl back under your rock and leave me and Sam alone."

"Not until I've spoken to her." Stuart said stubbornly.

"Over my dead body," Phil said heatedly.

"That can easily be arranged."

"Shut up and get the hell out of here…before I make you… " Phil's temper was reaching the end of its fuse.

"Is that a threat?" Stuart asked coldly.

"No it's a promise." He met Stuart's gaze, unblinkingly.

"Ooooo… go on then, hit me!" Stuart mocked him. When Phil didn't react he continued taunting him. "Not as tough as you make out, are you? All this talk… no action…"

Suddenly Phil snapped. He grabbed Stuart by the collar and shoved him forcefully, knocking him to the ground. He kicked him in the ribs once…twice… three times releasing all his anger.

"What the hell is going on here?" Having heard things quieten down Sam had gone outside to check what was going on.

She walked over to Stuart and leaned over to check his pulse. "Phil, call an ambulance, quick, he's not breathing!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Finally got round to start writing this fic again…after a few hints (Kinda obvious Lucy… lol) Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this fic. Updates to this fic should be more frequent now – though I'm not making any promises – anyway hope you like the chapter. Please read and review.**

**Luv Leanne x**

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**All that I need, all that I don't **

**Chapter Three**

Phil was sat in the cell with his head in his hands. 'Why had he done that? How could he be so stupid?' He stood up and in his temper punched the cell wall. Just then the heavy metal door swung open and there stood the DCI. "How is he?" He asked anxiously, regaining control and sitting back down.

"They've managed to stabilise him…three broken ribs and a fractured lung…"Jack Meadows reported. "He's still out cold but he's going to be fine…what the hell were you thinking Phil?"

Phil shrugged. He did know what his reasons for attacking Stuart were, but he knew the DCI wouldn't see things his way. "I don't know…"

"I need your version of this afternoon's events." Jack began.

Phil nodded, "Sam went home earlier today…she didn't feel well." He said, "Anyway I went round there after my shift. She was in a bit of a state. We sat and talked for a while, she told me he'd finished with Stuart!" He recounted.

"I see…" Jack answered slowly. "Then what happened?"

"Well the bell rang and I went to answer it… Sam stayed inside… it was him."

"Stuart?" The DCI checked.

Phil nodded, "yeah Stuart… we started arguing…"

"What was the argument about?"

Phil shrugged. "Sam… the baby…"

"What baby?" The DCI cut in again.

"Sam's baby!" Phil said without thinking.

"You mean Sam's pregnant?"

"Was pregnant." Phil corrected hollowly, that's why she went home earlier… that's why she didn't feel well… she was having a miscarriage."

"Oh right!" Jack shook his head. "All the things that went on in CID and he was none the wiser.

"Anyway…" Phil said, bringing the conversation back to the case.

"Yes." Said Jack, "so is that all you were arguing about? Sam and the baby?"

Phil shook his head. "No…" He hesitated. "Is all this really relevant!" He said, even though he knew it was.

Jack folded his arms. "Sorry Phil, you know I have to ask."

"We were arguing about how good a father he'd make." He answered, his eyes focussing on the tiles as he spoke.

"Okay so…" Jack began.

"Then he told me a few home truths, I got mad and started kicking him, that's all you need to know!" Phil admitted.

"You're admitting it?" The DCI said.

"Well yeah, I mean there's no point in denying it…he'll tell you all this anyway… I'm just making things a bit easier." Phil replied.

"Okay…good…now you'll get bailed after I've interviewed Stuart…"

"Gov?" Honey interrupted.

"Something you wanted, PC Harman?" Jack asked.

"We've just had a call from St Hughes… DS Turner's fit for interview now." She finished.

Jack nodded. "Thanks Honey!"

At St Hughes, when Jack was directed to Stuart's ward he was surprised to see Sam standing outside the door. "Hi," he said. "What are you doing here?"

Sam shrugged, "I was just leaving actually, I waited to see if he was okay. How's Phil doing?"

"He's okay, he's practically beating himself up for kicking off like that though."

"What did he say in the interview? Did he…?" Sam left her question unasked. She absentmindedly rested a hand on her stomach.

Jack noticed this. "Phil told me about the baby Sam…" He said gently. Her eyes misted over and he hugged her. "I'm so sorry!"

Sam nodded, "thank you!" She didn't know how else to respond. What else could she say? She walked off holding back tears.

Jack watched her go and then walked into Stuart's ward. Stuart opened his eyes and sat up. "Hello Guv!"

Jack nodded. "Stuart!" He acknowledged him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine thanks, the doctors say I can go home tomorrow, they're keeping me in overnight just to be on the safe side."

"Oh right, okay!" Jack said. "Now I'm here about your statement, if you feel up to it you can do it now or…"

"I want to press charges!" Stuart interrupted smoothly.


End file.
